James moved to Conshohocken on Sunday.
On Saturday he spent the day packing up his stuff. I spent the day doing a whole lotta nothing. My stomach was fine. I was not emotional. It was just another Saturday. Then at 8, when he called to tell me to come over, I started to cry. Alot. I kept pushing the phone away so he wouldn’t hear me. He thought I had dropped the call. I cried and I cried while I got dressed to go meet him. I cried and I cried as I brushed my teeth. Then I cried and I cried as I drove through Coplay and Catasauqua. But I stopped crying as I parked my car and I did not cry when he opened the door wearing the Dunder Mifflin t-shirt I bought him for Christmas.
We had a super night. We almost went to the movies, but nothing good was playing. So we went to Sheetz (after a few mis-turns) and came back and watched the Director’s Cut of Mallrats. We hung out through SNL and the Apollo. And soon it got late and he needed to go to sleep. And yes, I cried and I cried. I lasted for about 15 minutes. Then I stopped again and headed out into the rain. We said goodnight outside of my car, exchanged I love you’s and promised eachother that we would be ok. Then I left to go home.
When I got home I did not cry. I simply went to sleep.
My emotions are completely out of whack. I feel like Carrie when she would just start tearing up everytime someone mentioned Mr. Big’s bypass surgery. I’m a weirdo with a crying problem!
Conshohocken is not far from where I live. At the most, it’s 45-50 minutes away. It’s three exits on the Turnpike. It’s five minutes from IKEA. It’s not like he can NEVER come up here to Catty. It’s no big deal.
However, part of me thinks it is a big deal. Part of me thinks that due to my big mouth (and wacky emotions) I made it into a big deal.
Two weekends ago, I was convinced that I wanted to take a break. That was Friday night. By Monday, when we discussed it, I was not interested in taking a break. However, I had planted a seed and I regret that. I have this problem, although hardly a real problem, but when I get started and I’m talking to him the truth comes out.
But I think my main reason for bringing that all up was because I wanted to feel wanted. Now I’m not talking about the scene from the Break-Up where she wants him to want to do the dishes. I just wanted to wanted by him. I wanted him to worry about me. Of course with the stress of work and the move, there was little emotion left for me. And yea, I’m jealous of that. But I want to be wanted, damnit.
Two nights before he left to Alabama I got text messages. He wanted me. He needed me. I have saved them because they mean so much to me. They are special. That emotion was what I was hoping to get prior to the move.
As for today, it’s Day 2. He’s off from work and unpacking at the apartment. I didn’t get any e-mails from him because well, he’s not at work. He said he’s going to call me after work today and I am honestly super excited for that. I can’t wait to hear his voice.
When he was living 10-15 minutes away from me, we saw eachother two days out of the week. We talked through e-mail and IM each day and life was grand. That’s not really changing now that he has moved. At most, I’ll see him two days (counting when I stay over) and we will continue to talk each day maybe now just e-mail and telephone.
So, why am I worried? He’s the most trustworthy guy I’ve ever known. His deepest darkest secret remains that he smokes cigarettes when not around me. He’s never cheated on me. So what is my issue?
I guess I just wish all this newness would go away and him and I could settle into our routine down there. Of course, I plan to move out of my house, too but not as far as Conshohocken. And then we can split the time between the two places, something I never ever considered before. But yea, um. I really can’t wait to see the apartment. To sleep in his bed and to make him breakfast in his kitchen. I worry about boundaries and I don’t want to be a nuissance to him when I’m there or well, to his roommate. I just want to fit in comfortably and not bother anyone.
